I just feel sad. Right now, specifically. Lately, in general. I can't really pin point why, although I have multiple ideas.

I guess mostly, I just feel like I don't have a... purpose? Goal? Something like that. I mean, granted, I'm in graduate school. So my goal is to graduate. But I don't really know WHY. I don't have some sort of larger goal that graduate school is helping me get to. And I suppose that's fine... but it's hard work, obviously. So when I ask myself why I'm putting myself through all the extra work and stress, I don't really come up with an answer.

Other than the fact that I like living with Laura. And I feel like having a graduate degree will help make me more financially independent in the long run (although I'm also pretty sure this is not necessarily true anymore.) And I DO enjoy learning and research. I just don't like the pressures that come with them (self-inflicted or otherwise).

I also miss home and my friends. I skyped with Erica tonight and it was happy. I miss her a lot.

Also, reasons I am fairly sure I am depressed:

I've become an unreasonable grump and I take it out on others.
I've started ignoring responsibilities and turning to escapism (reading Animorphs, thinking about the past a lot, etc.)
I don't feel like cooking, which is something I enjoy a lot.
I've also made no effort to make friends (not that there's anyone I feel like I can connect with anyways...)
I'm drinking and it's making me more sad.

I think I need ADD medication and maybe even anti-depressants. Not sure how to get either of them. Well I know how. But I have no time... That's the thing. It's this cyclical thing. I feel like I have no time for planned self-care, so I constantly work, which depresses me/makes my ADD act up, so I get less done, so I'm more stressed and feel like I have less time for self-care/shouldn't take a break.

In conclusion, I feel like a loser.